Unhoppiness Can Be So Nice

If a beer is really has lots of hops (which is to say “hoppy”) it is wholly unpleasant to me. It makes me want to vacuum my tongue. And who wants to do that?? But, ah, a beer that is not hoppy – I daresay “unhoppy" – is oh so pleasant…

That First Beer. There is nothing like my First Beer of the evening (or day or night… and, on a rare occasion, the morning). It makes me so excited to open it or to have it brought to me. The smell, the head, the slippery coolness in my hand and then, when it touches my lips… makes me feel like Will Farrell on Old School “It feels so good when it touches your lips!” Drinking that first beer, somehow my mouth seems bigger – and I have a pretty small mouth, only 24 teeth – my throat seems wider, and my stomach seems bottomless. I get so excited; I just want to drink it really fast, but yet I also want to savor every morsel as one savors a really good long kiss. I have been known to lose focus on everything else around me but that beloved beer that is rocking my world.

Once when we pulled in to Hong Kong, Russ and my friend’s wife Tori came to visit and the second day we were there, we had been walking around all day seeing the sights and later in the afternoon we came upon what appeared to be a good watering hole, a German pub. This place offered a variety of beers in two fun sizes: a half-liter and a liter. Tori ordered a mojito and Erik and Russ ordered a liter of beer. I was about to, but I paused for a moment, like a child about to say a bad word or take the last cookie from the jar; so Russ stepped in and said, “She’ll have the half-liter.” He then looked at me, shook his head and said, “You don’t need a liter of beer.” Fine, I thought.

So the beers came and man was mine DE-licious! I can just taste it now, and it makes me smile (even though it is 5:30 am as I write this). Everyone was talking and I would chime in occasionally, but I was ever fixated on my beer. Ah, that beer, that beer! My sips were gulppy mouthfuls and as I was nearing my last couple of swallows, I said to Russ and Erik, “I will show you motherfuckers. I am going to finish this one even before you are half-way done with yours. See, I could have handled the liter!” As they shook their heads and laughed, the attentive waitress – let’s call her my faithful accomplice or culpable assistant – came by and asked if I would like another. I told her, “Yes, I would, but this time may I have a liter?” It came before long and I aimed to finish it before Russ and Erik had finished their beloved liter. I think I did. So there.

After that and some snacks I think we left that place, or maybe I even had another… but my memory is kind of foggy about the details. I do recall in a general way, though, that that was a glorious afternoon.