This morning Flint decided he was dog enough to take on the vacuum. Dog, that vacuum – usually it makes him cower on the couch with his sister. They hear it fire up, and shoooom: they dart to the other side of the room or to some safe corner of the house. But today, today doggonit he was going to show that vacuum what he was made of.
That rat bastard vacuum, the humans just make way for it, pick up our toys, move furniture, fold up our pillows and blankies, flip over cushions… pulling that crazy hose out, waving it, and shoving it into every crevice. How invasive! And that sucking errrrrrrrring noise! It drives me crazy! Crazy.
Have you seen the way the humans just push it around? That vacuum can’t be more powerful than me! Humans have to push it on its leash. Me, I do the pulling when I am on a leash. I know it. I know it. I can do it. Today I am going to bark back at that vacuum.
Let me just get into position… it’s under the dining room table now – dog, look at the way it just gets EVerything in its path shoved aside to make way… elitist jerk... dog, this sucks! Okay, okay, focus, focus. Easy now. Con-cen-trate. NOW!
“Woof! Woof Woof!” Stay low, now; keep the crouch. “Woof ! Woof!” Okay, show some teeth now! Keep crouching! “Woof! Woof!” Goshdoggit, I said Woof! Is that thing deaf?
“Flint! Go on! Leave the vacuum alone!”
Dog… stupid Vacuum, always gets its way. I’ll just go back here to the couch and glower at it for awhile, keep Rosetta company, keep an eye on my toys. That’s it; if it messes with my toys… it’s game on again! Last week when Vacuum came out, Rosetta and I hung back on the couch, cowering, fearing for the life of our poor turtle toy in the middle of the room. Thankfully we were smarter than Vacuum. When it was on the other side of the room, Rosetta made a dash for the turtle, snapped it up, and brought it back to the couch. Saved! She saved our turtle! That rare act of bravery gave me the strength and determination to go jowel to jowel with that doggone vacuum this week.
We see where that got me. It got me yelled at. Next time, Vacuum, next time… I’ll be ready!
To be continued…
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